


Shades of Grey

by LifeLover



Category: Agent Emes (Movies)
Genre: Adorkable, Canon Jewish Character, Coming Out, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Shimmy, Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Verbal Abuse, M/M, Protective Lance, Rejection, Resolved Sexual Tension, meeting again as adults
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeLover/pseuds/LifeLover
Summary: Five years after Shimmy stopped being Agent Emes and now on a very different life-path - Shimmy stops a gang beating up someone.  What happens when the victim turns out to be his old rival, Dr. Lo Tov?  Surprising revelations occur and roles are left behind for new friendships and more.





	Shades of Grey

**Author's Note:**

> I like Agent Emes (specifically the first five moves with Shimmy and Lance). I love the idea of Adult!Shimmy/Lance (especially with Shimmy thinking for himself). While I love the dvds - Shimmy and Dr. Lo Tov are both kinda one-dimensional. So I tried to make them a bit more fleshed out - I feel like a lot of how Shimmy thought was based off his community and views from adults. Now he's an adult (and been through an unfortunately all too-common experience for religious gay boys) - he has views he's arrived at himself. As for the title - it is NOT a reference to the bestselling book. I wrote this before the book was ever written. It's more a reference to understanding things aren't black and white and our two boys reaching a Neutral/Gray understanding. Also if you're interested - I made a fan video of this pairing over on Youtube. Here's the link to that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4NSyGYMLzM
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shimmy Epstein strolled along the dark street on the outskirts of Manhattan.   Passers-by didn’t notice him – his stint as ‘Agent Emes’ in Shpittsburgh had taught him the skills to move from place to place with silence and ease.

 

Agent Emes. It seemed so long ago that he had donned that black hat, obviously fake moustache, and oversized black trench-coat. Going and saving the city from Dr. Lo Tov and his hapless assistant, Clarence. Feeling the thrill of being a super-agent. Finally, retiring before going into Yeshivah. While disappointed, he did hand off the role of Agent Emes to, of all people, his younger brother.

 

Uri was about ready to retire from the ‘Emes’ role himself. Shimmy imagined it would probably be turned over to his nephew Benzi to keep it in the family. Uri had done all right, fighting Uncle Evil who had taken over as the new head of Aveiros International. Shimmy wasn’t sure what had happened to Dr. Lo Tov, had no clue where he lived now. In a selfish way, he was glad Lo Tov had ‘retired’ when Shimmy had retired. Even though his life had turned onto another track, his times as Agent Emes were still his favorite memories.

 

His musings were interrupted by sounds coming from a nearby alley. As he walked over, he sighed to himself. It was the local gang and it looked as though they’d found another victim. He tapped one of them on the shoulder, and with skill and speed, had the gang running before you could say “Shpittsburgh.”

 

He turned around to help the gang’s victim and suddenly – he froze and had a hard time breathing. The victim on the ground lay clutching his left arm. The man wore a black tight-fitting turtleneck and dark jeans. He was bald and that face – that face had haunted Shimmy’s dreams for the past five years. That face belonged to –

 

“Dr. Lo Tov!”

 

The pale face moved and wide green eyes peered up at him.

 

“Agent Emes?”

 

The voice cinched it. It was filled with a sense of …. wonder, almost. And of course, pain. But Shimmy could never mistake that accent. Funny though, how he still called him by his “job name”.

 

“Not anymore,” Shimmy said wryly, helping Lo Tov up, “but yes, I **_was_** Agent Emes. Come with me.”

 

Dr. Lo Tov complied without protest, which was worrying in itself. However, Shimmy made no mention of this, merely supporting Lo Tov as they came to Shimmy’s house.

 

Once inside, Shimmy seated Lo Tov and got out the first aid kit. He cleaned the cut on the man’s cheek and bound up his sprained wrist. He also had Lance take some painkillers with a glass of water. Afterwards, they sat in the living room. Lo Tov, leaning back against the soft cushions, looked at Shimmy.

 

“Agent Emes – why would you help me?”

 

“I’m not Agent Emes anymore. My real name is Shimmy Epstein – you can call me Shimmy.”

 

“Very well,” Lo Tov said. “My name is Lance, if you wish to use it. My question remains – why would you help your old enemy, Shimmy?”

 

Shimmy experienced the oddest swooping sensation in his stomach at the sound of his name in that accented voice. He had to draw in a steadying breath before replying.

 

“Well … you were hurt. And we’re not enemies, anymore.” He hesitated and then plunged ahead with the truth.

 

“Even when we were on opposing sides,” he drew a shaky breath, “even then, Lance, I never hated you.”

 

Lance’s eyes widened and he turned his head to study some other object with seeming interest.

 

Shimmy allowed himself to observe Lance. The man had always produced the strangest feelings in Shimmy.

 

He remembered when he had to find the shul’s missing pushka. Of course, his feelings had already been set adrift. His own father had been arrested and his view of Lance altered, through seeing the man visit his ill mother in the hospital. He’d followed Lance into a small courtyard, but had been found out. Clarence had forgotten the ‘weapon’ and Lance had pulled the then-13 year old boy into a hold with his arms. Shimmy hadn’t understood then what was so exciting, so enthralling about the encounter or the closeness between them. What the difference was between events like that and even being Agent Emes otherwise. Now of course, he knew. Speaking of which ….

 

Shimmy broke the silence.

 

“You’re welcome to stay here for the night. I must tell you though …. I … I’m gay.”

 

An odd look passed over Lance’s face. “ _Agent Emes_ is gay?”

 

“Not really,” Shimmy answered quietly. “I only realized the fact after I had retired from being Agent Emes. It’s the real reason why I’m not really so religious anymore. I just – ”

 

He broke off with a troubled look in his soulful, light brown eyes. After a brief silence, he resumed.

 

“I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to stay if you will feel …. uncomfortable.”

 

It was Lance’s turn to study Shimmy, his green eyes sweeping over the young man in front of him.

 

He was surprised. For Agent Emes … no, Shimmy … to realize **and** accept the fact that he was gay, that was pretty brave of him. Especially considering the community he grew up in.

 

Lance knew he would stay. He remembered telling Ma Lo Tov once, “Agent Emes is not just a boy!” It was true. There was something about Shimmy, in Shimmy that called to Lance. Even back when he was 11 or 12. Many would have been wary of Lance, considering that Shimmy was twelve years younger than Lance. He hadn’t been attracted to Shimmy at that point – he’d just been a kid then. But there was something about Shimmy and his earnestness and sincerity that had called to him. The last time they saw each other, Shimmy had been fifteen and was already looking more like the man he’d end up being. After his brother had taken over and he’d gone traveling, he’d dreamed about the man Shimmy undoubtedly was growing into.   A brief hope flared up. Could Shimmy come to love him? He squashed that flat. Shimmy had saved him, treated his injuries, and even offered him a bed to sleep in. That should be enough. Still, to feel his body, tousle his hair, kiss those pink lips – would be heaven. To cause pleasure to Shimmy and hear the boy’s cries as he lost himself in his arousal, the love …

 

He shook himself from his lustful, arousing thoughts.

 

“I don’t mind and will stay. Thank you for sharing your place with me.”

 

They sat in silence for a while more. As Lance relaxed, his eyelids gradually grew heavier and heavier. He closed them, thinking he’d rest for a minute, then go to bed.

 

Suddenly, he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. Blinking, he looked up to see Shimmy with a fond expression on his face that vanished when he was sure Lance was awake. Although it still lingered in the warmth of his eyes.

 

“Do you want me to show you your bed?”

 

Lance nodded, unable to stop a small, shy hope from forming. That affection on Shimmy’ face … maybe, just maybe?

 

In his preoccupation, he didn’t notice how he was standing up and walking until Shimmy stumbled unexpectedly by the door to his bedroom. With quick reflexes, Lance caught Shimmy in his arms, ignoring his desire to shout as his sprained wrist protested.

 

With startling clarity, he noticed Shimmy’s face, a beautiful blush stealing over the younger man’s cheeks. On an impulse, he quickly pulled Shimmy into the bedroom, and sat down with him on Shimmy’s bed.

 

“Shimmy, do … do you –” he changed his mind quickly. Not enough for Shimmy to be attracted to Lance. He couldn’t, however, stop a shiver from entering his voice on the next word.

 

“– love ... love me?”

 

Shimmy, who had been staring at the bedspread, nodded miserably. He’d blown it. Now, just when it seemed that Lance had entered his life again, he was going to leave. Shimmy would be alone again.

 

Lance sighed. “Oh, Shimmy,” he murmured, voice full of … affection and relief?

 

Shimmy’s head snapped up. At the love clearly painted on Lance’s face, he was struck speechless. Lance leaned in close and spoke quietly, green eyes never once leaving Shimmy’s wide brown ones.

 

“Shimmy, I …” again that small tremor, “love you. You have always fascinated me. You have such a sense of sincerity and kindness about you. Than you left and all I had for these last five years were my dreams about the kind of man you’d grow into – the kind of wonderful man you are. I believe I would be lost without you. Please let me stay, Shimmy.”

 

Shimmy licked his lips and answered voice hoarse.

 

“Even back when I was Agent Emes, I was fascinated by you. I took any opportunity to follow you and try to be around you – even if did mean fighting. I didn’t understand what was attracting me to you, unaware of starting puberty and the changes that brought. I definitely had a crush on you by the time I stopped being Agent Emes, although I didn’t let myself realize it. That was probably why I wanted to make it work while going to Yeshivah. Of course – probably better that I didn’t.”

 

Shimmy suddenly shivered and hugged himself, suddenly looking vulnerable.

 

“I realized I was gay while in Yeshivah. It actually made sense to me, since it answered a lot of questions I’d been having about myself. I was still troubled, but I went to some Rabbis I knew and had trusted. I figured they’d be able to help me figure out what to do, while supporting me. I … I was wrong. Rabbi Smile expelled me immediately, citing me as a danger to the other students. A fellow Yeshivah student said it was a test from the devil and I was already weak and failing if I was even feeling those feelings. Even Betzalel condemned me and the friends I used to have don’t talk to me anymore.”

 

Lance felt horrified, but had to ask “What about your family?”

 

Shimmy laughed bitterly. “Well, Abba wanted to send me to ex-gay conversion therapy. He kept talking about how horrible it was to have a **_faggot_** ,” he spit the word, “for a son. Mom seemed more sympathetic, but she did ask how she could have a son _that way_ and decided to say Tehillim so Hashem would make me ‘normal’ again. My younger brother Uri who took over being Agent Emes ... well, he's just parroting and agreeing with the views expressed around him. I don't really blame him. My sister Baila called me a freak, but she’s always called me that. It's her way of being fond and supporting me. Baila’s alright – she asked why they were making such a big deal about it. And saying that I'm still the same person I always was. They ignored her, but it was brave of her to vocally support me like that. She’s the only one who keeps in contact with me, although it’s sporadic. So not only stay, but please –” here, Shimmy’s voice broke on a small sob, “don’t leave. Don’t leave me alone.”

 

It broke Lance’s heart. He’d always thought Shimmy was someone who deserved the best. Even when he was pissed off at the kid ruining his plans (and he was never as angry as he should be). That he should feel all alone in the world because his community and family ended up being homophobic and unable to deal with the fact he was gay – it was wrong. He shouldn’t be scared of making friends or to care about people thanks to those he cared about rejected him. At least he had one family member who was still talking to him – hopefully, once she was an adult, they could become close again. He slowly leaned in closer, his good hand supporting his weight and with a nervous swallow, kissed Shimmy.

 

Spectacular, yet not in a grand, overwhelming way. To Lance, it was like sliding into a hot bath with sore muscles, or snuggled in a cozy blanket before a fire in winter. Not black or white, but a comforting shade of gray. It was a kiss that promised comfort and kindness and a place he could call home.

 

For Shimmy, honey-liquid warmth spread through him and he melted into the kiss, his body feeling suddenly pliant and safe. The kiss was tender and promised things that words could never express. It promised safety, love, a family and protection. It started to heal the jagged break in Shimmy’s heart that had been caused by everyone’s reactions in his family and community.

 

For both of them – it showed the promise of never being alone again and always having someone to be there. To support and cherish and love.

 

As they broke the kiss, Lance rested his forehead on Shimmy’s.

 

“I swear I will never reject or leave you, Shimmy Epstein. I wish I could cement this in your heart, but I know it will take time. And we have time – I will do what it takes to prove my words until you can believe me with no doubt. I wish we could go further and I could cherish you sexually the way you deserve, but I’m honestly too tired tonight. I also want to take this slow and show you everything – and wait for full-on sex until my wrist is healed. I want your first time to be perfect. Is that okay?”

 

Shimmy kissed him again, leaving his cheeks pink and delighting in the flush coloring Lance’s ears. “Perfectly” he said shyly. He helped Lance get ready for bed and was getting to ready to leave when Lance asked awkwardly, “Stay and sleep with me? I think we would both enjoy it and get … um … comfort … out of it.”

 

Shimmy grinned and agreed. As they lay together drifting off to sleep, Shimmy curled up to Lance and the sprained wrist resting on top of the covers – the same thought flashed through both their minds.

 

**_It took seven years and plenty of heartache, but we’re together again. And we’ll be stronger together and we’ll support and love each other – and that’s a promise worth keeping._ **


End file.
